Grandpa’s Definition of “Love”

The word has hundreds, maybe thousands of meanings. Probably way more.

When we tell others we love them, we mean many different things. I almost believe that for every relationship that exists between two people, the love between them is unique.

But here I am writing about “unconditional love.” “Brotherly love.” “Sisterly love.” The “love thy neighbor” love.

This love is not a feeling. Nor an emotion. It is a choice. A state of mind.

If we practice this kind of love, we can apply it everywhere. To ourselves. To our friends. To people we don’t know. To people who annoy and irritate us. To people who have hurt us. To everyone. Everything.

This love is not earned. It is free. It is easy to understand. It is difficult to practice because it involves a suspension of judgement.

Each of us has a “shadow” side. It is the part of our personality or behavior that we prefer others not know about. We feel ashamed of it. It is our dark side. Our secret side. The part of us that we consider “unlovable.”

It is easy to be happy with our wonderful, charming, endearing side. It is hard to love our dark, secret side. But love, “unconditional love,” is directed at all parts. When we get to the point where we realize that we love ourselves entirely, then we discover that we are more compassionate and understanding of others as well.

A way to practice this love is to step outside of yourself. Imagine you are an unbiased, separate being looking back at yourself. Look at the lovable side. Look at the shadow side. Now shine a sunny light on the shadow side. Shine a light of acceptance and understanding. Withdraw your judgement that this “character flaw” or “bad behavior” is a negative aspect. Consider it a part of this complex, interesting person that is still underdeveloped. It is temporary. Give it time and it will mature.

Consider yourself a kind and nurturing parent or teacher of this person. Understand that this person has arrived at this place on their long journey to forever. Countless experiences lie ahead that will continue to refine and shape this person. Look at the person as they were a year ago. Ten years ago. See the changes between then and now. Forgive this person for the faults and failures that remain today and send them thoughts of help and strength as they move day by day into the person they are becoming.

Forgive them. Shine the sun on them. Soften your heart to them. They are perfect in the way a cloud is perfect. It is what it is. You are what you are. Many experiences have brought you to today. And many more will carry you into tomorrow.


      ----Cosmic Grandpa